Calmly, Carefully, Completely Read online

My gaze jerks to hers. Her eyes are soft, and a smile plays around her mouth.

  She walks to me and takes my face in her hands.

  “I do love you completely,” I say. “But…”

  She shakes her head. “No, you don’t. You hold back because you’re afraid to hurt me.” She wraps her arms around my neck, and her lips hover an inch from mine. She whispers. “Love me completely, Pete.”

  I growl and jerk her shirt over her head and pull her pajama bottoms down, her panties going with them. She doesn’t shy away from me, so I walk her backward toward the bed. She takes a step back every time I take a step forward, until she has no choice but to sit back on the bed. She scoots to the center of the bed, and I drink in my fill of her as I watch her undress really quickly. “I can’t be calm or careful,” I warn, “but I’ll stop if you tell me to. Just say the word.”

  “I know,” she says. She crooks a finger at me, but I don’t let her take charge. I grab her foot and jerk her to me. I immediately worry that I’m being too rough, but she just laughs.

  “I need to be inside you,” I say as I grab a condom and roll it onto my dick. “I don’t think I can wait.”

  She doesn’t say a word.

  I spit into my hand because I’m afraid she’ll be dry. I rub my dick with it and crawl to lie between her legs. I palm her ass and tip her toward me, and then I surge inside her in one hard push, hitting it hard enough that she moves on the bed, her head pushing toward the headboard. She cries out. But she’s not crying out in pain.

  “Don’t stop,” she says. She yanks my hair in her hands and forces me to look into her eyes. “Let me be what you need, so you can be what I need, too.” Her breaths stutter from her as I stroke inside her. I can’t get enough of her. I can’t get deep enough. I push both her legs toward her chest, which tips her bottom up higher. Her hands clutch my ass, pulling me in, deeper and harder with every thrust. I am fully inside her, taking every inch of her silken sheath as she accepts me. She accepts my anger. She accepts my helplessness. She accepts my love for her.

  “Pete,” she cries. She breathes out my name, over and over, and I feel her pussy contract around my dick, milking me as she comes. But I’m not ready to be done. I flip her over and pick her up on her knees and then I’m inside her again. I grab her thighs and pull her back to me, and she feels even tighter this way, if that’s possible. She lies down, her face against the sheets and her ass in the air. She lets me power into her from behind. I’m rough and abrasive and I fucking love her so much. I roll her hair around my fist so I can turn her head and kiss her. Her tongue touches mine, and she her lips quiver. I reach around her and find her clit, rubbing it the way I know she likes. I slow my movements and bring her to orgasm until she’s quaking in my arms.

  I roll onto my back and pull her to straddle me. “I don’t know how many more times I can come, Pete,” she says. She draws her lower lip between her teeth and worries it.

  “Ride me,” I say. She reaches between us and takes me in her fist, giving my dick a slow pump. It’s slick with her juices. I stop her hand, and she balances on the head of my dick. I take her hips and draw her down on me, until she has all of me. Then I bring her down to lie on my chest and I fuck her hard from below.

  She cries out my name between whimpers, and I fucking love that she’ll let me love her like this. Her breaths move by my ear and she says, “I love you, Pete,” over and over and over and I can’t believe how fucking lucky I am.

  She comes apart in my arms, and I hold her tightly as I come, too. I pour myself into her, and my love for her overflows my heart. I wrap my arms around her, and she’s still quaking. I brush her sweaty hair behind her ear. “Are you all right?” she asks. She rests her chin on my chest and looks up at me. I slip from inside her, and I can’t bite back a groan as we separate.

  “I’m fine,” I say. I look up at her and suddenly feel very sorry for doing that to her. “What about you?” I ask. “Please tell me I didn’t hurt you.”

  “Pete,” she breathes. “You have to get over your fear of hurting me.”

  “I’m pretty much over it,” I say. After that, I don’t have a fear left in my body. I chuckle. “I’m all the way over it.”

  She lies there draped across me, and nothing ever felt so right. I draw little circles on her back.

  “I love you completely, princess,” I say.

  She accepts me like no one ever has. She accepts me as Pete. She accepts me as that ex-con. She accepts me as a brother to four men who will love her because I do. And I hope one day, she’ll accept me as her husband because I don’t think I could live without her at this point.

  She giggles, and the feel of it rolls through me. “I think I’m going to be too sore for you to love me completely again tonight.”

  “I can think of some ways to work around that.”

  I hear a plaintive little meow from the other side of the door and look over to see a tiny paw sweeping back and forth in the gap where the door doesn’t quite touch the floor. “Go get my cat,” she says, shoving my shoulder. “You wore me out. I can’t move.”

  I laugh and go let her kitty into the room.

  Epilogue: Matt

  Reagan is teaching a class on self-defense at the recreation center, and all of us Reed brothers were told to be there. None of us knew she wanted to use us as practice dummies. “Aren’t we supposed to get face masks and some padding for this?” Paul asks as he tries to block a kick to his groin from Friday. He succeeds but only barely.

  “I could have so had you!” Friday cries. She pumps her fist in the air, and Paul wraps an arm around her waist and swings her around playfully. She shrieks and bats at his hands, but he doesn’t let her go.

  Reagan looks at Pete and winks. She’s not afraid for any of us to touch her anymore. She’s never been afraid of Pete, but now she’s calm and content around us all, and sometimes I pick her up and hug her just because I can. She makes Pete so fucking happy. “Come attack me,” she says. “Pretty please?” she adds when he hesitates.

  He groans and pushes to his feet. He’s still on the ground from the last time he pretended to attack her. He comes at her, and she spins around and flips him onto his back. He groans and rolls into a ball. “Enough,” he cries. “Someone else has to take a turn.”

  Reagan’s dad laughs. Her parents are here for the weekend. Pete is kind of pissed because he had to come home while they’re at her apartment. He lives with her almost all the time, now that he’s off house arrest. Reagan’s dad is enjoying Pete’s discomfort way too much. Her little brother, Link, is pretty good at martial arts, too. He goes at it like he goes at everything else—with passion, forethought, and caution. He doesn’t speak often, but we’re all okay with that. He is who he is, just like the rest of us.

  Sam steps up, and Reagan works out some moves with one of the girls from the assault program. Sam takes what Reagan gives him, and the girl grows more confident with each move. It’s good to see this. It’s good to see Reagan in her element, and I know she’s doing good work with these girls.

  One of Pete’s friends from the prison program, Edward, came with his sister. He’s wasn’t charged for his participation in that man’s death, and he’s spending a lot of time with his sister, even though she can’t live with him. He keeps an eye on her. She’s timid as a mouse, but she’s a sweet girl, and I feel like she can get through this. She’s not participating in class yet. She’s sitting on the edge of the row of bleachers beside a boy in a wheelchair. I think his name is Gonzo. He’s another of Pete’s foundlings. They hang around him like they need him. Maybe they do. I know I do. Pete has become the man he was always supposed to be now that he has Reagan. I have never been so proud of him.

  Gonzo laughs, and I know the boy can’t talk because of his trache. So, Gonzo is using a computer so he can communicate with the Edward’s sister. I wish I could remember her name. She speaks to him, and he grins and types something really quickly. Her face colors. They’re the same age
, and there’s definitely a spark there. There’s a lid for every pot, Pete always says. I mentally shrug my shoulders.

  Reagan motions me forward. I see Sam lying on the floor in a heap. Shit. She’s going to emasculate all of us. “I had cancer,” I toss out, as she smiles at me. “I almost died,” I remind her.

  She laughs and uses me to show some moves. She goes easy on me. Or so I think. Then I’m on my back on the floor, too. She puts her hands on her hips and grins down at me. “You didn’t really think I’d go easy on you, did you?” she asks.

  Logan tosses Emily over his shoulder and starts to run around the gym with her squealing. Paul does the same with Friday, and Sam comes to stand beside me. “Something going on with Paul and Friday?” he asks.

  “Paul still thinks she’s a lesbian,” I say.

  “Should we tell him she’s not?” Sam asks.

  I shake my head. “Nah.” I grin. It’s more fun this way.

  I look toward the door and see Skylar, the woman who is taking care of Kendra’s kids. She’d promised to bring Seth today, and I’m glad to see her. My heart stutters at the sight of her. She’s wearing gym clothes, and I can see her belly. I want to lick it. Or pierce it. Or climb on top of it. My dick twitches, and I walk over to her. “Hi,” I say.

  She blows her bangs up with an upturned breath. “Hi,” she says.

  “Things going okay?” I ask. She shoots a glance toward Seth.

  “Not really,” she says on a heavy sigh. “I was hoping I could ask you for some help.”

  “For those kids?” I ask, jerking a finger toward them. “Anything.”

  I look around the gym. This is my life. And I fucking love it.

  Dear Readers,

  This book was a journey but I hope you remember that this was Reagan’s journey, and every victim of sexual assault will have a different one. No matter the story, we all should be aware of the facts:

   1 in 4 college age girls will be sexually assaulted during her college career

   20% of women when asked if they have ever been forced to commit a sexual act will say “yes.”

  If you are a victim of assault or know someone who is, there are national resources you can contact for help.

  The National Rape, Abuse and Incest National Network can be reached at 1800-656-HOPE.

  Remember, even if you’re not a victim, you can volunteer to help someone who is. Your local rape crisis center will have more details.

  I hope you enjoyed Reagan and Pete’s story.

  Please remember that silence changes nothing.

  Best regards,

  Tammy